What is a neuron's favorite television channel?
The Ion Channel
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.
He is always serious and never humerus.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
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