Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
Go to BabaMail
