What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
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