Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
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