Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
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