A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
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