Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
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