Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
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