A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him?
Filthy rich.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What do you call a pig with a rash? Ham and eczema.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
What did the pig say to his friend who had been cheated upon?
Please don't go bacon this relationship.
What do you call a pig with skin problems? A wart-hog.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.