Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
What do you call a pig with a rash? Ham and eczema.
Why was the pig a pathological liar? It’s a porcine-ality disorder.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
What does an obstinate piglet always say to his mama?
“Sow what?”
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him?
Filthy rich.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig!
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree at me. It was a hambush.
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.