What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
What do the lady pigs say when someone leaves the toilet seat up? “Hoof-orgot to put the seat down?"
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree at me. It was a hambush.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
Why did the pig get fired? Insu-boar-dination.
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
Why was the pig a pathological liar? It’s a porcine-ality disorder.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.