Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
What do you call a pig with skin problems? A wart-hog.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
Why was the pig a pathological liar? It’s a porcine-ality disorder.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
What do you call a pig with a rash? Ham and eczema.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
Why did the pig get fired? Insu-boar-dination.
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree at me. It was a hambush.
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.