What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
What do you call an imaginary pig? A pig-ment of your imagination.
What’s the first line of the pig bible? “In the bacon-ing…”
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
What do you call a pig with a rash? Ham and eczema.
What do pigs learn in the army? Ham to ham combat.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table? She was hogging the food.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
What do the lady pigs say when someone leaves the toilet seat up? “Hoof-orgot to put the seat down?"
What’s the difference between hot potato and a flying pig? One’s a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
What did the pig say to his friend who had been cheated upon?
Please don't go bacon this relationship.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.