When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him?
Filthy rich.
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table? She was hogging the food.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
What does an obstinate piglet always say to his mama?
“Sow what?”
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
What’s a pig’s favorite color? Ma-hog-any.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.