What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.