Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!