Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!