What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!