What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.