What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!