What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.