Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish