Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.