My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.