What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.