What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.