He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.