What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.