My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.