Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.