Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.