What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.