What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.