How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.