My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.