That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.