When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.