Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.