My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone