He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.