My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.