What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
How can you hear the sounds of a group of dolphins?
Listen to their podcast.
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
There’s caws for alarm.
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
What does a skunk’s car run on?
Fumes.
What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
Why did the koala get fired from his job?
Because he would only do the bear minimum.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a four-leaf clover?
The Cluck o’the Irish!
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
What did the married deer couple say to each other? I love you deer-ly!
Why should you never ever play texas hold'em with a crocodile?
You will literally lose every hand.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite candy?
Lollihops.
Why can't college professors take exams at a zoo? Because there are too many cheetahs.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
Why is earth worm humor offensive?
They only know dirty jokes.
Which side of a koala bear has the most fur? The outside!
A famous turtle is called a shell-ebrity.
Just had Lobster Bisque for the first time!
It was souper good!
A bunch of crows ganged up and killed a chicken.
It was a murder most fowl.
Why do cats have minty breath? Because they use mousewash
When you cross a sheep and a wolf, you will end up with a new sheep, you can’t make such a costly mistake with wolves.
I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents.
One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.
Calling my new dog “Shark” was a mistake.
I’ve been banned from all my local beaches.
Q. Why are big gorilla turds always so stinking tired?
A. Because they're all pooped out!
How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae? Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!
Do You Know How Crabs Get Around On Land?
They Use The Sidewalk!
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
The worst part about being a giraffe…
Is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.
What do you call a group of dyslexic crows?
A redrum.
What do you call a beaver with a bad attitude who acts lazy? A beaver that doesn’t give a dam.
Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
How do ponies react when the opposing team comes on the field?
They horse-boo.
What's the opposite of a positive crocodile?
A negator
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
What did one beaver say to the other at the river? Dam it.
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting.
I’ll have a crocodile sandwich please, and make it snappy!
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
What do you call a parrot without feathers? Bald!
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
What do you call it when a raven marries a crow? A conspiracy to commit to murder.
Two flies were fighting on a toilet seat.
One got pissed.
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
What is a deer’s favorite place to get breakfast?
Dunkin’ Doe-nuts!
Why don’t penguins fly?
They are not tall enough to be pilots.
What do dehydrated alligators drink?
Gatorade.