Why did the koala get fired from his job?
Because he would only do the bear minimum.
Why do spider-musicians always have such long concert tours?
Because they have so many legs.
What’s black and white and yellow?
A cowardly panda.
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw? Because they don't know how to cook it.
Why won't the dog listen to the farmer's sheep jokes?
He's herd them all.
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? The purr-petrator.
What is a parrot's favourite colour shade?
Polly-chromatic
The gang of crows used a crowbar to break into the house.
How do you find zebra?
Look under zeshirt.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
What’s a goat’s favorite drink?
Goat-arade.
How does a kangaroo win a gold medal?
In the long jump.
What do you call an explosive horse?
Neigh-palm.
My wife tried to claim she was a night owl.
She was lying though, because when I tried to turn her head through 270 degrees, her neck snapped.
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
Why couldn’t the little girl ride the horse?
It was feeling bucky.
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
If a lion is the king of the jungle...
Then shouldn’t they call it a reignforest?
What do you call a koala with a negative attitude? The bearer of bad news.
Why did the owl invite his friends over?
He didn't want to be owl by himself.
A slow poke is what you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine.
Where does a baby monkey sleep?
In an apricot.
What did the penguin say after he went shopping?
Put it on my bill.
If you ever need directions, call for a navi-gator.
What do you get if you cross a Triceratops with a kangaroo ? A Tricera-hops!
When should you stop for a glow worm? When he has a red light.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
Did you hear about the girl who put gorilla glue in her hair?
Her stupidity knew no bonds
What food did the Gorilla order when he went to France?
Ape Suzettes.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
Why did the worm cross the playground?
To get to the underground slide!
Have you heard about the new book all about flamingos? Apparently it’s flying off the shelves.
Who is a polar bear’s favorite musician?
Seal.
Why are beavers so good in maths? They love log'arithms.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
Where do owls go on their honeymoon?
Their love nest.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face? A mouse-tache!
How do you apologize to a koala?
Bear your heart and soul to them.
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory? Because she was a plant eater!
What soccer position does a pink flamingo play? Flamingoalie.
What would a winged horse play in a band?
The pegabass guitar.
What type of ice cream do fish like to eat?
Shark-o-late!
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
What is a deer’s favorite after-school snack?
“Doe-nuts.”