What do you call an turkey with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
I killed a spider with soap
He got a clean death.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
What can one parrot do?
Not as much as toucan.
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
I saw a lion in a bar, trying to pick up a lioness literally half his age
and I'm like "man, you must have *no* pride"
What did the dolphin say when it broke its neighbor’s window?
It wasn’t on porpoise!
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
What is one of the big tiger's most favorite hangout places? A shopping maul.
Which type of whale can fly?
Pilot whales.
Top 25 Funniest Duck Names:
1. James Pond
2. Quack Sparrow
3. Duck Norris
4 Quacks-a-Lot
5 Quackhead
6 Quacko
7. Quackers
8. Nutquacker
9. Quacker Jack
10. Quack Efron
11. Quack Black
12. Moby Duck
13. Quackula
14. Sir Duckington
15. Eggbert
16. Quackers
17. Duckleberry Finn
18. Quacker Jack
19. Lucky Duck
20. Cheese and quackers
21. Quaker Jack
22. Duckingham Palace
23.Waddles
24. Quackie Chan
25 Firequacker
What do you call a beaver with a bad attitude who acts lazy? A beaver that doesn’t give a dam.
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?
A bird that talks in morse code!
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A woolly good jumper.
How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
Dad Bee left. Mama Bee calls out ...
Honeycomb home!
What did the rabbit say to its wife? No bunny compares to you.
What's an owl's favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?
Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!
What do you call a gorilla who has been locked up in prison?
A kong-vict
What did the Mountain lion say to the bathroom attendant?
Out of the way, I’m about to Puma pants!
What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?
No, seriously. This thing is scaring the heck out me.
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
Because the elevator was broken.
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a mammoth’s tusk?
A sabre-toothed tiger.
What do you call a frog with no back legs?
Unhoppy.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
What's green and hangs from trees? Dinosaur snot.
Why did the duck go to the bank?
Because he wanted to get a new bill.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"
A teacher tackled him after the first G
What do dehydrated alligators drink?
Gatorade.
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad.
Did you hear about the generous and kind deer? She had a hart of gold!
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up
What Do You Call A Clever Duck?
A wise quacker
What kind of dinosaur works for the police? A trisara-cop.
How do you catch a unique tiger?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame tiger?
Tame way.
What family does Maiasaur belong to? I don't think any families in our neighborhood have one!
Why do owls shower so often?
So they don’t smell fowl.
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because the cows have horns.