What kind of car does a sheep drive?
A LAMBorghini
Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
What did hear about the two bats meeting?
It was love at first bite!
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
What do you call it when a dinosaur gets in a car accident? Tyrannasaurus wreck!
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
Why are tigers striped? Because they never want to be spotted.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
What hotel do mice stay in ? The Stilton
What do you call a bat with ebola? African batman.
Q. Will a sensible stag do something dangerous to impress a doe?
A. No, not even on a deer.
Did you hear about the cat who drank ten bowls of water? It set a new lap record
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo?
“Hop on!”
What did the baby mouse do when she saw a bat?
She ran home and told her mother she saw an angel
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?
What does a panda use to cook his pancakes?
A pan duhhhh!
How do deer clean their feet?
Hoof paste.
What is the difference between a car and a bull?
A car only has one horn.
What did the ponies do when it was raining? Stay ind-horse.
What is a nerdy alligator’s favorite programming language?
Jaw-va.
Why don't gorillas vote?
They're ape-political.
What's a shark's favorite hobby?
Anything he can sink his teeth into.
What has a spiked tail, plates on its back, and sixteen wheels? A Stegosaurus on roller skates!
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
When can three giant dinosaurs get under an umbrella and not get wet? When it's not raining!
Which birds go to church a lot?
Birds of pray.
Why do zebras have stripes?
Because they don't want to be spotted.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
What did the rabbit say to its wife? No bunny compares to you.
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.
My Roomba accidentally rolled out of my front door, and the neighborhood squirrels and rabbits immediately started attacking it.
Nature abhors a vacuum.
What do you say when you meet a two-headed dinosaur? Hello, hello!
What side of a tiger has the most stripes? The outside.
What did the ghost say to the bee
“BOOBEE”
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
Wife: would you get me those two cans from the top shelf?
Me: I don't see any toucans in here.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.