What happened if vampires came to a big dance?
A bat ball.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? Anything she wants!
What do cows like to eat for lunch?
Moo-shroom soup
Why did the bee get married?
She found her honey.
Why did the rabbit like the adventure? It was a “hare-raising tail.”
What does Willow Smith say to her pets? I whip my hare back and forth.
The baby beaver sang a song about the river in a video for his friends. He had a good flow.
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
What did the snail say to the other who had hit him and run off? I'll get you next slime!
Why do cows have no money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
Have you noticed that most wolf parties begin at around midnight? Well, it is not by coincidence, it is so that they can have a howling good time.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
How do rabbits travel? By hareplane.
Did you hear about the cat who drank ten bowls of water? It set a new lap record
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.
I'm going to start a business selling worms and Nintendo consoles
I'll call it "Bait and Switch."
I know this bird who was excluded from his flock for being too big
He was ostrich-sized.
Where do bad beavers go?
They're dammed to hell.
What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been.
Is a goat that eats office supplies on a staple diet?
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets!
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
What was the most famous bat comedy team?
Ab-bat and Costello.
What do you call it when a raven marries a crow? A conspiracy to commit to murder.
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
How much fur can you get from a dinosaur ? As fur as you can get!
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
I went into a pet shop and said: "I would like a pet parrot for my daughter."
Confused, the owner replied: "Sorry, we don't do swaps."
Q. Will a sensible stag do something dangerous to impress a doe?
A. No, not even on a deer.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
What do you call a dinosaur that left its armor out in the rain ? A Stegosau-rust.
If you need a mystery-solving, just call an in-vesti-gator.
Which city do hamsters live in?
Hamsterdam.
How many rabbits does it take to change a light bulb? Only one if it hops right to it.
Calling my new dog “Shark” was a mistake.
I’ve been banned from all my local beaches.
The zookeeper told me I wasn’t allowed to buy the animals so I asked why the zebra had a barcode.
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
Where do penguins go to the movies?
At the dive-in!
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
Why can’t you breed a eel with and eagle?
It’s Eeleagle.
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.