What's the opposite of an elephant?
An eleph-antonym.
I just had a pint of kangaroo beer
It was a bit too hoppy for me
How does a deer know what day of the week it is?
It looks at its calen-deer.
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
What do you get if cross a science fiction film with a toad?
Star Warts.
Is a mountain goat a hillbilly?
What flies around your light at night and can bite your head off?
A tiger moth.
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?
A Kick-Ass
I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.
When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.
What do we learn from cows, buffaloes and elephants?
It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking.
How does a koala get from one place to another? On a gondkoala.
What did the bus driver say to the frog?
Hop on.
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
What do you call for injured ants?
The ant-bulance.
What do you call a giraffe winning a horse race?
A long shot.
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial.
Why don’t crabs donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
Does Mr. Otterton listen to Gazelle? Yes he's a rabid fan.
Why shouldn’t you drive with a vampire?
He will drive you batty.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
Did you hear about the short-sighted frog?
He had to go to the Hopthalmologist.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
Did you hear about the owl party?
It was a hoot.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
What did the baby deer say to his friend?
“I’m so fawn-d of you!”
I hate worms and snakes because they have no feet.
You might say that I am lacktoes intolerant.
What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.
Where does a tiger sleep?
Anywhere he wants to!
What is a cat’s favorite state of America? Connecti-cat.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
Why don’t rabbits get hot in the summertime? They have hare conditioning!
What do you call a happy penguin?
A penGRIN.
How did the sheep farmer become best in his field?
Shear luck.
Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.
Why do cows have no money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
What is the opposite of a flamingo? The answer is, a flaminstop.
What food did the Gorilla order when he went to France?
Ape Suzettes.
The feeling you get when you think you have heard these cow puns before is known as deja-mooo.
I had a flamingo come to stay with me when he had a cold. We nicknamed him phlegmingo.
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?
A loan shark