What is a cat’s favorite horror movie? The Purrrge!
I told my wife that I saw a sheep pondering its place in the world.
She asked me, “Can ewe even imagine?”
What do you say when you catch a bee?
Behold!
I tried to phone the spiritual leader of Tibet once, but I was sent a big goat with a long neck instead.
I must have phoned Dial-a-Llama by mistake.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.
What did the ghost say to the bee
“BOOBEE”
What did the deer say to his friend when he suggested a trip to the park? Good i-deer!
Crowing, crowing, gone.
You must be the Easter Bunny, because you’ve got me all egg-cited.
Why was the horse a great editor?
She was very thorough bred.
Why is the snail the strongest animal? Because he carries a house on his back!
Q: What does the tiger use to brush his mane?
A: A catacomb.
A flying turtle is called a shellicopter.
Where do horses get their weaves from?
Mane.
How do tigers like their cheese?
Grrrrreated
Why don’t monkeys wear pocket watches?
Because they don’t wear pants.
What does a skunk’s car run on?
Fumes.
Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.
What's the best way to talk to a Tyrannosaur ? Long distance!
Did you here about the croc with a serious drug addiction?
It was a crackodile.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
Why are crows the safest flying birds?
They're the most CAWtious.
Why don’t alligators watch movies?
Because they live in swamps.
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
I finally found out why flamingos sleep with one leg up! If they had both legs up they would fall over.
Q. What did the Aussie zookeeper say to the gorilla who was spying on him?
A. There's no need to pry, mate.
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
When should you stop for a glow worm? When he has a red light.
Why was the Navy Seal sad?
He doesn't like the color blue.
What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
How do you make a duck sing soul music?
Put him in the microwave until his Bill Withers
What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
Which type of dinosaur could jump higher than a house ? Any kind! A house cannot jump!
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
Why did the bunny eat the wedding ring? Because he heard it was 18 carrots.
What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside? A mouse sandwich!
What’s a deer’s favorite place to get ice cream?
Deery Queen.
What do pigs learn in the army? Ham to ham combat.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What do you call a buffet for sheep?
All you can bleat!
What do llamas always reply when you thank them?
No probllama.
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
Why did the blind seal get eaten by the orca?
Because he couldn’t see that whale.
What vehicle does T-Rex use to go from planet to planet? A Dinosaucer
What do ducks watch on TV?
Duck-umentaries.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
What does a panda use to cook his pancakes?
A pan duhhhh!