How do rabbits travel? By hareplane.
What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? Because from a distance they looked like hares!
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
Why don’t penguins fly?
They are not tall enough to be pilots.
How does a horse tow its trailer?
With a Ford Bronco.
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
What do you can an owl who's been caught in the act?
A spotted owl.
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
What has four legs, four eyes, and a net? Four pirates looking for a lost parrot!
What’s a deer’s go-to ice cream flavor?
Cookie-doe.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
There once was a koala who could run at a speed of more than 800 miles per hour. He was the first koala to break the sound bearier.
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
What do you call an electrically charged seal?
A seal ion.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off his tail, he'll be de-lighted.
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
What is a medieval owl called?
A knight owl.
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
What did dinosaurs have that no others animals ever had? Baby dinosaurs!
What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many would be left? None, because they were all copycats!
There’s a lot of debate over where the best place to punch a shark is.
Personally, I think it’s the sea.
What did the rabbit say to its wife? No bunny compares to you.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
What’s black and white and bounces?
A rubber panda.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Why did the penguin cross the road?
To go with the floe!
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
Crowing, crowing, gone.
My sister asked me for some spider puns.
I told her to look them up on the web.
What happened when the bear applied at the movie theater?
He was told he was not koala-fied.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
What is a deer’s favorite after-school snack?
“Doe-nuts.”
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial.
What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
Gross.
The scare crow was out standing in his field, so he got awarded as the best employee of the year.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
I had a flamingo come to stay with me when he had a cold. We nicknamed him phlegmingo.
Why did the turkey NOT cross the road?
To prove that he wasn't chicken.
Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet.
What side of a tiger has the most stripes? The outside.
Why did the penguin cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
What’s the silliest name you can give a tiger?
Spot.
To the person who stole my coffee, my lamp, and my parrot…
I don’t know how you sleep at night.
I asked a beaver out on a date. The beaver replied: “Gnaw.” I said: “Dam.”
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.