How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
Did you hear about the law firm with the most intimidating lawyers?
It’s filled with liti-gators.
What do you call a light-headed elephant?
An ele-faint.
What happens when two snails get into a fight? They slug it out!
Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers? Because he is a meat eater!
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
Which type of dinosaur could jump higher than a house ? Any kind! A house cannot jump!
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
What’s a snow princess’s glow worm’s favourite song?
Let it Glow, Let it Glow!
How does a penguin get around?
By icicle.
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
What did the baby chicken say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?
Dad, look what marma-laid!
Why did the bat break up with her girlfriend?
She thought she was a pain in the neck.
If a goat grows a beard, is it a goatee?
What's the difference between a strawberry and a Tyrannosaurus? The strawberry is red!
What did the goat say when he woke up on a train?
I have no idea how I goat here.
I would rather breed mice than crows
Mischief is one thing, but I don't think I can pull off a murder.
What do you call a horse running on a table?
A counter canter.
What does a deer do when it gets to its friend’s house?
Rings the deer bell.
What do you get when you cross a tortoise and a llama?
A turtle-neck sweater.
How do horses greet each other?
“Hayyyyy.”
What did the owl’s valentine say?
You are hootiful.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
Q. Why couldn't the gorilla run in the marathon?
A. Because he's not part of the human race!
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
How do you find zebra?
Look under zeshirt.
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
Grandma runs the kitchen like a turtle-tarian; give her some space there.
What do we call a deer that wears a mask and refuses to tell its name?
“Anony – moose.”
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
What did the duck say when the waitress came?
Put it on my bill.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What do you call a tiger who always gets the same grades as one other person? A tie-ger.
Why did the deer get braces?
He had buck teeth.
A flamingo only ever asks for a plaster when it hurts its pinky.
What do you call a blind dinosaur? adoyouthinkhesaurus.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What do you call an ant who can’t speak?
A mute ant.
Where does a tiger sleep?
Anywhere he wants to!
An arrogant gazelle walks up to a bunch of lions and tells them how much better he is than them.
He was consumed by pride.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.
It’s really easy to send a nice card to a flamingo. You just write “Hope you have a flamingood…”
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe?
Copy and basting.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
I told my parents I wanted to raise goats for a living, but I was only kidding.
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.