What do drunk kangaroos play?
Hopscotch.
Why can’t you breed a eel with and eagle?
It’s Eeleagle.
Q. Which kind of ape enjoys smoking tobaco?
A. Cigarilla.
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito? An otter fortune cookie
Why do worms have trouble getting up in the morning? Because the early bird catches the worm.
Something’s goat to give.
I stole seven crows yesterday.
Got away with murder.
How do you catch a rich squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a cashew.
What do you get if you cross a wasp with a doorbell?
A hum-dinger!
I finally found out why flamingos sleep with one leg up! If they had both legs up they would fall over.
If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
The worst part about being a giraffe…
Is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.
Why is the snail the strongest animal? Because he carries a house on his back!
When the cow forget how to give milk, she was udderly confused.
What’s a rabbit’s favorite game? Hopscotch!
Why are kangaroos so qualified to be teachers?
Because they’re kan-gurus.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
When he was chewing the skeleton, the wolf got to a point and laughed. I guess that was the funny bone.
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?
A maybee
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
What do you call a wasp who is having a bad hair day?
A frizz-bee
Why was the actress scared of the deer?
She had stag fright.
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end? It was won by a hare!
What do you call a tiger who always gets the same grades as one other person? A tie-ger.
How can you tell which rabbits are getting old? Look for the grey hares.
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
What was the snail doing on the highway? About one mile a day!
Did you guys know that dolphins attack seals for sport?
It's almost like they do it on porpoise.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a frog?
A jump rope.
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.
A fly feels a bug on it's back. "Hey bug on my back, are you a mite?"
"I mite be !!" giggles the mite.
"That's the worst pun I've ever heard" groans the fly.
"What do you expect?" says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly. "
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth.
What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on? Anything you want. He can't hear you.
What came first, the alligator or the crocodile?
The dinosaur.
If someone says, “See you later alligator,” you must respond with, “In a while crocodile.”
It’s in the bye laws.
What’s the sequel to that?
Fuller mouse!
All the girls I meet keep thinking I’m a sheep.
Every time they see me they say “Ewe”
Did you hear about the two silkworms that were in a race? They wound up in a tie.
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a crab with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
What has 80 teeth and 2 eyes ?
A crocodile.
I just saw a huge killer fish singing and playing guitar in the city center.
I think it must be a busking shark.
Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
What kind of hair style does a bee get?
A buzz cut