What eats laptops? Computer worms.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
Why don't crabs give birthday presents?
Because they're just shellfish.
How do you upset a dinosaur? Touchasaurus Spot.
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
What kind of eels can travel on land?
Wheels.
Q: What does a tiger call an antelope?
A: Fast food.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which? Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
We were all sturtled by the incoming news.
A female sheep and a couple of aggressive birds are sitting on the veranda. What language do they speak?
Porchewegeese.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
What is the proper name for the ghost of a buffalo?
A booffalo.
What do you get when two giraffes run into each other?
A giraffic jam.
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
Once I told a joke about mosquitos...
It was malarious.
Why do pandas love watching classic movies?
Because they are in black and white.
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
Where did the independent cat decide to live? In Catalonia!
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
What did Detective Duck say to his partner?
“Let’s quack this case.”
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
How do you save a drowning mouse? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
What do you call an insect that can’t drink milk?
Lactose intoler-ant.
What do you get when you put four ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
Dad Bee left. Mama Bee calls out ...
Honeycomb home!
Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
If you ever need directions, call for a navi-gator.
What vehicle does T-Rex use to go from planet to planet? A Dinosaucer
What do dinosaurs have that no other animals have? Baby Dinosaurs.
Q: Which U.S. state do tigers like the most?
A: Maine.
What’s a pig’s favorite color? Ma-hog-any.
What’s a racehorse’s favorite clothing brand? Jockey.
The cawllarborne of the skinny crow was so pronounced.
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time? “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
The sheep says to the shepherd "you're an jerk and I hate you!" and the shepherd says "Say what?"
And the sheep goes "You herd me!"
Why are Siberian tigers so happy at Christmas time? Because it is snowy, and they get to look like white tigers.
How do you know if a tiger is male or female?
Throw a rock at it. If he runs it's a male. If she runs it's a female.
What's a goat's favorite organ?
A Kid-ney
Where do otters come from?
Otter Space.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.