Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
Eleph-ino! (Sounds like "Hell if I know!")
What do dehydrated alligators drink?
Gatorade.
What do you call it when a sloth eats a second plate of food?
Slothy seconds
A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator…
He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes sir, we do,” says the bartender.
The guy smiles and says, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What do crocodiles wear to keep their legs dry in the water?
Gaiters.
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
Alligators can live up to 100 years…
Which is why there’s a chance that they will see you later.
Why is earth worm humor offensive?
They only know dirty jokes.
What did the panda say when he was forced out of his natural habitat?
This is un-bear-able.
When doing laundry, the mother wolf accidentally fell into the washing machine. It became a wash and wearwolf.
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
Wife: would you get me those two cans from the top shelf?
Me: I don't see any toucans in here.
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet!
An owl had a sore throat but wasn't bothered.
He couldn't give a hoot.
What do you call a rainbow you ride your horse on?
A rein-bow.
Why don’t giraffes make good pets?
They’re too high maintenance.
What do you call a lazy goat?
Billy Idle.
How did the penguin pass his driving test?
He winged it.
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
I thought Lord Of The Flies was about entomology.
It really bugs me that it isn't.
What is the most effective way to cook a crocodile?
In a croc pot.
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
Q. What do you call gorillaS who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons
Did you hear about the two silkworms that were in a race? They wound up in a tie.
I told my husband that the National Zoo's sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies. He said "now she's guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony."
What fruit do vampire bats like the best?
Neck-tarines.
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
What do you call a well-dressed ant?
Eleg-ant.
How do llamas say “Merry Christmas” in Spanish?
Fleece Navidad.
What kind of cheese do rodents like?
Mousearella.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
Why won't the dog listen to the farmer's sheep jokes?
He's herd them all.
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
Where do penguins keep their money?
In a snow bank!
What do llamas do when they eat outside together?
They have an alpacanic.
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
What do you call a flying elephant?
A jumbo jet.
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
How do the cool camels say hello?
"How you dune?"
What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside? A mouse sandwich!
Do you think you know more parrot jokes than me? Toucan play that game!
Can you name 10 dinosaurs in 10 seconds? Yes, 8 Iguanadons and 2 Stegasaurus.
Why isn't the the koala a real bear? He doesn't have the right koalifications.
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.