How was the first giraffe made?
Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
A crow’s favorite nutty dessert is Pecawn Pie.
What Do You Call A Duck That Steals?
A robber ducky.
How do winged horses walk if they become pirates?
Peg-asus legs.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
I asked what the lion in my wardrobe was doing.
He said it was Narnia business
I stole seven crows yesterday.
Got away with murder.
What can one parrot do?
Not as much as toucan.
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower? A hare dryer!
Where does a 2,000 pound gorilla sit?
Anywhere it wants to.
What does a bankrupt frog say?
Baroke, baroke, baroke.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
The worst part about being a giraffe…
Is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.
I am an introvert, but you know how to bring me out of my shell.
What’s black and white and goes round and round?
A panda stuck in a revolving door.
Before the Koalaville basketball team can play for the national championship, they have to make it through the koalafying rounds.
Why don’t dolphins play basketball?
Because they’re afraid of the net!
What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?
No, seriously. This thing is scaring the heck out me.
Where do bats get their education?
In night schools.
Why did the bat often use mouthwash? She had bat breath.
Why don`t ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they would quack up.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
What did the baby mosquito say after his first flight?
“Mama, mama! Did you see that? Everyone was clapping for me!”
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
What do you call old horses?
Ancient roans.
Baby seal walks into a club...
Years later he would sing A kiss from a rose in the same club.
What do cows like to eat for lunch?
Moo-shroom soup
The weather's getting colder, I really fancy some hot croc-o-late.
Q. Where can you view sculptures and paintings created by deer?
A. At the art moose-seum.
I started dating a girl I really like. She's really into bees.
I think she's a keeper
Q. What do biologists call an insane stag that's out running amok?
A. Deer-ranged.
What did the horse say when it saw a sheepdog?
“Why is your furlong?”
To the person who stole my coffee, my lamp, and my parrot…
I don’t know how you sleep at night.
What type of bread do deers enjoy the most?
“Sour-doe!”
When you go to the wolf hotel just around the corner, you will meet this huge, moustached wolf who always says, “howl may I help you?” as if he has no other words to us!
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
Why did the cat get fined? He was caught littering
What is a baby parrot's favourite game? Beak-a-boo!
My wife: Did you know a single dolphin can have more than 200 offspring?
Me: Wow How about the married ones?
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
Did you hear about the koala bear in the church choir? Yeah, they say he sings bearitone.
What do you call a camel with three humps?
Pregnant.
Who did the goats vote for as president?
Billy Clinton.
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
Crows love Cawnie Chung, their favorite reporter.
Why doesn't McDonald's serve escargot? Because it's not fast food.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY