What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
At What Time Does A Duck Wake Up?
At the quack of dawn.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
What position did the young vampire bat play on the football team?
Quater-bat.
What did the bat say to the diabetic? Nice knawing you!
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?
What do you do if you find a blue Ichthyosaur ? Cheer him up!
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
My grandfather recently passed, and I discovered in his journal that he has an immense hatred for sloths, pandas, and koala bears. Looking back, it was obvious.
He was always going on about those darn tree-huggers.
What did one glow worm said to the other one?
You glow girl!
Q. What can a buck take after a night of drinking at a stag party?
A. Elk-a-seltzer.
Two male zebras in the Zoo started making rap-music.
They're called the Zbruhs.
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
Where do parrots get away on holiday? To the beak!
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
I hate worms and snakes because they have no feet.
You might say that I am lacktoes intolerant.
What do yuppie sharks like to drink?
Jaw-va.
Sometime flamingos get fixated on one thing, and it can be hard to get them to see things from another pers-peck-tive.
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a cow?
A kanga-moo.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth.
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.
Q. Where do gorillas get their gossip?
A. From the grapevine.
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
Which birds go to church a lot?
Birds of pray.
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
What is a baby parrot's favourite game? Beak-a-boo!
One of my friends who hates crows, looked at a flock of crows, I saw murder in his eyes.
What's green and hangs from trees? Dinosaur snot.
What’s an alligator’s favorite dip?
Croc-amole.
What's a frog's favorite flower?
A croakus.
Every koala supports the idea of being able to defend themselves against tyranny. They believe in having the right to bear claws.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
Why do you never see koalas wearing shoes? Because they love going bearfoot.
What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Lily.
What do you call a turkey's evil twin?
A Gobblegänger.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
How do you draw flies?
With a pencil!
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
Lost.
Q. How do does and fawns fly from place to place?
A. In a deer-igible
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
What’s a spiders favorite barbecue food?
Corn on the cobweb.
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
An elephant-enna.
Why did the duck cross the road?
He was tied to the chicken.