What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off his tail, he’ll be de-lighted!
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
Why did the beaver cross the river? To get to the other side of the river.
For waterproofing their nests, crows buy caw-king.
I had a tattoo of a Scorpion on my back last night and to tell the truth...
It stings like hell.
Why was the cat kicked out of the game? They thought she was a cheetah.
How do you catch a unique bunny? Unique up on it.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face? A mouse-tache!
Why did the otter cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
How does a shark greet a fish?
Pleased to eat you.
How did the little koala bear stop the movie? She hit the paws button.
A sloth walks in to a bar and waves to get the bartender’s attention, and says I’ll have...... a soda water.
The bartender replies “why the long paws?”
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
What do you call a gorilla who has been locked up in prison?
A kong-vict
What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
Lost.
I just saw a huge killer fish singing and playing guitar in the city center.
I think it must be a busking shark.
Did you hear the gossip about the owl who hooked up with his boss?
I won’t tell you hoo.
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
What do you say when you catch a bee?
Behold!
What did the beaver say to the other beaver? I love you like no otter.
We have always been in turtle awe of her artistic skills.
Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
The public investigated a box full of crows because it was a murder case.
Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? At the dead-letter office!
Why did the frog make so many mistakes?
It jumped to the wrong conclusions.
What did the rabbit say to its wife? No bunny compares to you.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with a kangaroo?
An animal that keeps its nuts in its pockets.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
What is the camels’ favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpty dumpty.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
Today I learned that a giraffe’s neck is so strong a human can climb up it.
Also, I got banned from my local zoo.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
What is a beaver's most favorite drama series ever? Riverdale.
What do sloths throw in winter? Slowballs.
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
What do you call a mouse who can pick up a horse? Sir!
Why are glow worms good to carry in your Halloween bag?
They can lighten your load!
What did the deer tell his buddy before he took a test?
“Good buck!”
My wife and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday.
It tortoise nothing.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
How do you upset a dinosaur? Touchasaurus Spot.
What did the irritated crow said to his fried?
I won't talk to you if you don’t stop ravening.
What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen?
A more-soupial
What do you call a thirsty camel ?
A dry humper.
What does an obstinate piglet always say to his mama?
“Sow what?”