What did the scientist’s cat say? I think I’ve lost an electron, I’m pawsitive!
How do you measure a mosquito’s harddrive?
With bug bytes.
2 flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".
Did you hear about the gorilla that was from Vietnam?
He was a viet kong.
A star athlete in Koalaville got kicked off the Olympic team for cheating. Unfortunately, he was diskoalafied.
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
What’s the first thing a gorilla learns in school? The ape b c’s.
What did the ponies do when it was raining? Stay ind-horse.
What do we learn from cows, buffaloes and elephants?
It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
Why don’t giraffes make good pets?
They’re too high maintenance.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree at me. It was a hambush.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?
Mouse code!
Why was the scarecrow upset with the worm?
It was going ear to ear in the corn field!
What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed ? Find somewhere else to sleep!
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
What is it called when a dinosaur hits a homerun?
A Dino-Score.
What does a Clydesdale say when you offer them a carrot?
“Of course, my horse.”
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
A snapping turtle is a turtle that takes up pgotography.
How do you get down off an penguin?
You don’t – you get down off a duck.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie
She was a victim of my crow aggressions.
What’s a shark favorite substance?
Reefer.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
I can’t believe that during the attempted murder, John Crow, Russel Crow and Sheryl Crow were all in the room.
What do you call an eyeless deer?
No-eye-deer.
What did the deer say to his funny friend? You’re deer-larious!
Why are Siberian tigers so happy at Christmas time? Because it is snowy, and they get to look like white tigers.
Why didn’t the boy believe the tiger? Because he thought it was a lion!
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
A priest, a rabbit and a deacon walk into a blood bank.
"I think I might be a type o." said the rabbit.
How tall is a spider?
Eight foot.
Where did the hamsters invade the beaver colony? Hamsterdam.
A mosquito can fly, but a fly cannot mosquito.
What should you name a crow with soft down feathers? Microwsoft.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
What do goats eat?
Goatmeal.
What did the koala write in his Valentine’s Day card to his girlfriend? “I love you-calyptus”.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
What do you call a polyarmourus deceased gorilla?
Harembe.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
Why didn’t the horse buy a house?
The costs were mounting.
Why did the beaver cross the river? To get to the other side of the river.
What do you call an alligator who is wearing crocs on his feet?
A traitor.
Why did the bunny cross the road? He wanted to prove he could hip hop!