What did the scientist’s cat say? I think I’ve lost an electron, I’m pawsitive!
What kind of camel throws a hissy fit when you milk it?
A drama dairy.
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
What’s the difference between hot potato and a flying pig? One’s a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
Why was the big white tiger angry with his other Siberian tiger friend? Because he bleached him while grooming.
On Halloween night a group of crows decided to enact a scene from the play Julius Ceaser, they were enacting the caw-nspiracy scene.
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?
A loan shark
When fishing, is there ever a good reason to take the worm off the hook?
I guess that’s debaitable.
What is the most effective way to cook a crocodile?
In a croc pot.
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
My friend’s parrot lost his beak in a fan accident and he wanted to find a prosthetic. I sent him to my Uncle Tony.
He fits the bill.
Why was the horse a great editor?
She was very thorough bred.
Her: "Buffalo meat is delicious. What are they made of? Beef?"
Me: "No... They're made of buff."
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
I’ll have a crocodile sandwich please, and make it snappy!
The weather's getting colder, I really fancy some hot croc-o-late.
All the turtles wore turtle necks to the party.
How can you tell if a crab is drunk?
It walks straight
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
What was the snail doing on the highway? About one mile a day!
Can you name 10 dinosaurs in 10 seconds? Yes, 8 Iguanadons and 2 Stegasaurus.
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elka Seltzer.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
Have you ever tried crossing a lion with a flamingo? It will be pink, that’s the mane thing.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
How do snails make important calls? On shell phones.
What’s black and white, has four legs and a trunk?
Two pandas on holiday.
Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers? Because he is a meat eater!
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
Our kids tee ball team, the Tigers, won the championship. All the parents were very proud and put in for a little statuette of the front of a tiger to give them to celebrate. When it came in, for some reason it was the back half of a tiger.
Needless to say, it was a cat ass trophy.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.
Q. Why are big gorilla turds always so stinking tired?
A. Because they're all pooped out!
2 flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
Because the elevator was broken.
Why are elephants scared of computers?
Because of the mouse.
What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.
I tried to keep a koala in my house, but the smell was just unBEARable.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
What's an owl's favorite Beatles song?
Owl You Need Is Love.
What is a crocodiles favourite dessert?
Brandy snaps.
What kind of underwear do monkeys wear?
Chimpantsies.