A star athlete in Koalaville got kicked off the Olympic team for cheating. Unfortunately, he was diskoalafied.
What do you call a kids book about otters? Harry Otter.
What happens to great actors? They get nominated for an a-cat-emy award!
I came across an injured flamingo the other day. I tried to help, but luckily it was already receiving medical tweetment.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
What’s the difference between a gross bus stop and a crab with large breasts?
One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
What does a dinosaur call a porcupine? A toothbrush.
Where do bats get their education?
In night schools.
What do llamas do when they eat outside together?
They have an alpacanic.
What’s black and white, has four legs and a trunk?
Two pandas on holiday.
Q. What do you get if you cross a deer with an Aussie Joey?
A. A buck-er-roo.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
What was the scariest prehistoric animal? The Terror-dactyl!
Which birds go to church a lot?
Birds of pray.
What sound does a turkey's phone make? Wing! Wing!
When buying crows for commercial use, always buy them in groups...
That way, you’re guaranteed to make a killing.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Beaver Y.
Beaver Y. who?
Bea-ver-y quiet, you are in a library.
What do you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine?
A slow poke.
What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global Worming.
Before the Koalaville basketball team can play for the national championship, they have to make it through the koalafying rounds.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
Q. Which kind of deer has a serious drinking problem?
A. The elk-oholic.
What type of cat lives under the sea? A purr-maid.
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
We’ll need protracturtle in our next lesson since the topic will be angles.
What does a bankrupt frog say?
Baroke, baroke, baroke.
What do you call a Pig with three eyes?
Piiig.
A spider called a tech support office.
He needed help connecting to the web.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
What do you call a clever ant?
Brilli-ant.
A spider saw a car he liked at the dealership and decided to take it out for a spin.
Heard about the devoted beaver who crossed the turbulent river? He took a leap of faith!
What do you get if you cross a bat with a ball?
A home run.
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
What do you call an American Bee?
A USB.
What happened to the baby chicken that misbehaved at school?
It was egg-spelled.
Wolves love shopping and they can literally die for. However, none of them loves the flea market for obvious reasons!
What did the horse say to his friend that didn’t come party last night?
You didn’t turnout.
What animal jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?
A kangaroo.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the 'p' is silent
A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.
I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch."
Crows, they just love sports, crow-quet to be precise.
What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
What do you get if you cross a pigeon and a parrot? Voicemail!
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.