How do you know if a tiger is male or female?
Throw a rock at it. If he runs it's a male. If she runs it's a female.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Count Duckula.
Where do beavers keep their money? Well, they keep it in the riverbank.
What do you call an alligator who is holding a compass?
A navigator.
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
What’s a gorilla’s favourite pop group? A: Bananarama!
Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.
When buying crows for commercial use, always buy them in groups...
That way, you’re guaranteed to make a killing.
What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
An Alley-gator.
Did you know alligators can grow up to 18 feet?
But most of them only have four!
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
What do you call a SWAT team of alligators?
Gator-raid.
What sound does a turkey's phone make? Wing! Wing!
What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
A camel can work all week without drinking..
A man can drink all week without working.
Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs? From an eggplant.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
My sheep-powered computer was starting to run slowly
So I added more ram
What did the goat say when he woke up on a train?
I have no idea how I goat here.
Why did the spider crawl up the elephants leg the second time?
It got pissed off the first time.
Flamingos do annoy each other sometimes. Apparently this is because they enjoy ruffling feathers.
Why don’t rabbits get hot in the summertime? They have hare conditioning!
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
What’s black and white, black and white, and black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
Did you hear about the kangaroo with glasses?
He had to go to the hopthalmologist.
Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet.
Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?
Only people in the Woods’
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
What is the popular computer game that crows play? Caw of Duty!
There is nothing impaws-sible if you’re as brave as a tiger!
What type of cats usually purr the best? Purr-sians!
What did the kitten do when she wanted to order something? She looked in the cat-alog!
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".
What's yellow and black and yellow and black and yellow and black?
A wasp rolling down a hill.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
Why do mice need oiling ?
Because they squeak !
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
Why did the shark spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny.
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
Where was the dinosaur when the sun went down ? In the dark!
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
What is a polar bear’s favorite food?
Iceberg lettuce and snow peas.
What did the gorilla wear when he was cooking in the kitchen?
An ape-ron
What do you need to know to teach a dinosaur tricks? More than the dinosaur.
What has 80 teeth and 2 eyes ?
A crocodile.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
What do llamas say when you tell them something obvious?
“No spit, Sherlock.”
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”