Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a grizzly bear?
A. Fired from the zoo.
The weather's getting colder, I really fancy some hot croc-o-late.
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
I told a friend that I thought his pet zebra was a fake. He said, “Well spotted”.
What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
The elephantom of the opera.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangaroo? A stripy jumper!
What do you call a handsome seal?
Mr. Seal Yo Girl.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
An army of werewolves is known as a Fur-eign Legion.
What's yellow and black and yellow and black and yellow and black?
A wasp rolling down a hill.
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
What is an owl’s favorite Beatles’ song?
Owl you need is love.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
What kind of photos do turtles take?
Shell-fies.
How do horses greet each other?
“Hayyyyy.”
Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?
Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.
I know a guy who absolutely loves his pet Parrot.
He is Polly-Amorous.
Don't worry, bee happy!
Why did the spider crawl up the elephants leg the second time?
It got pissed off the first time.
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
What did the owl say to the judge?
I’m talon you, it wasn’t me.
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
Why do dinosaurs eat raw meat? Because they don't know how to cook.
What do you get when you cross an owl with an oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.
What did the horse say to his friend that didn’t come party last night?
You didn’t turnout.
What is it called when a dinosaur hits a homerun?
A Dino-Score.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
How do sick kangaroos get better?
They have a hoperation.
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering.
What do you get if cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle-neck jumper.
What do you get when you cross a Dinosaur and TNT? Dino-mite.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
What kind of dinosaur works for the police? A trisara-cop.
What weighs 800 pounds and sticks to the roof of your mouth ? A peanut butter and Stegosaurus sandwich!
What happened when the kid got confused with beavers and coypus in the exam? He said, " I otter know better."
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
What kind of luggage did the vulture bring on the flight?
Carrion.
What do you call a quiet sheep?
A shhhhhhh-eep.
What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
Whichever gator stole all the food, we'll catch the crook-a-dile.
A sheep, an idiot, and a snake walk into a bar.
Baaaa dumb hisssssss.
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist.
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
Flamingos are known by a different name when they dress up to go out – they call themselves glamingos.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburned panda.