Where do bad beavers go?
They're dammed to hell.
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Why don't squirrels have any friends?
Because they drive everyone nuts.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
What does a koala do before making any kind of appointment? He always checks his koalander.
We have always been in turtle awe of her artistic skills.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea-weed.
What do you call a white crow?
A caw-casian.
What did the queen bee say to the naughty bee? Beehive yourself.
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever.
What is a mouse’s favorite game?
Hide and squeak!
Whatever floats your goat.
What did the deer say when she met her favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn of your movies!”
What do tigers sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells! Jungle bells!
Hit the hammer that judges have and says “worm court is in session”. Then says
“All writhe”
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
If a lamb and tiger were crossed, you would end up with a striped sweater.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What do you call a gorilla who has been locked up in prison?
A kong-vict
Why wouldn’t anyone play with the little longhorn?
He was too much of a bully.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
Why are cats scared of trees?
Because of their bark.
I had a bet on a giraffe race yesterday but my selection lost.
It was nowhere near winning – it lost by a neck.
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
What did the deer say after he finished eating?
“That was deer-licious!”
What game do little bats like to play?
Batty fight.
What is a crows favorite vegetable?
Corn on the caawb.
Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? Anything she wants!
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
Who’s a llama’s favorite actor?
Al Pacacino.
What do you call a quiet sheep?
A shhhhhhh-eep.
What do you call an explosive horse?
Neigh-palm.
What did Spock say to his cat? Live long and paw-sper.
What do you call a pony running in a circle? Centrifugal horse.
My favorite music is by Spandau Croc-quet.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
Does Mr. Otterton listen to Gazelle? Yes he's a rabid fan.
What do you get when you mix a sheep and a kangaroo
A wooly jumper
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with an elephant?
An animal that remembers where it hid its nuts.
Two fruit flies are out for dinner.
I'm really enjoy this date...”
“Yeah, but it’s only half rotten.”
Why did the dolphin end its own life?
It was missing a porpoise.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.