Why did the dolphin end its own life?
It was missing a porpoise.
What did the deer say after she saw her Amazon bill?
“I spent too much doe!”
Q. Why was the stag thrown in the army brig?
A. Due to deer-eliction of duty.
Why do pandas have fur coats?
Because they’d look stupid in denim jackets.
My sheep-powered computer was starting to run slowly
So I added more ram
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
What did the deer order to drink at the bar?
Ice cold deer.
The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.
It was very carefully orca-strated.
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
What do you call a Spanish goat with no hind legs?
Gracias.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a crab with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
I was riding my bike through the countryside when I was attacked by a herd of sheep!
Fortunately, I was only grazed.
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
What’s green and pecks on trees?
Woody the Wood Pickle.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
Turtles love taking shell-fies.
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gater.
Who makes dinosaur clothes? dino-sewer.
Why do people hate bee puns?
Because they don’t want to beelieve they are good
What side of a tiger has the most stripes? The outside.
I love eating glow worms
Especially as a light snack
Why did the deer cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
What is it called when a dinosaur hits a homerun?
A Dino-Score.
I told my parents I wanted to raise goats for a living, but I was only kidding.
Why are rabbits so lucky? They have four rabbit’s feet.
What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after.
The wolf really needed to talk with the skeleton because he had a bone to pick with him.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
Wondering what crows prefer with soup, crows like crowtons in their soup.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
Where do bats go to gamble?
Bat-lantic City.
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes.
When it’s raining, a turtle goes to a shell-ter.
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gator.
A female sheep and a couple of aggressive birds are sitting on the veranda. What language do they speak?
Porchewegeese.
Who called it a goat petting zoo...
and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?
What does a deer do when it gets to its friend’s house?
Rings the deer bell.
What do kittens wear? Dia-purrs!
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
What does a cat say when it gets injured? MeOWWW!
Have you ever tried setting fire to a flamingo? It’s really easy, you just burn the O.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
What do you call a kangaroo sanctuary?
A kazoo.
Why does a duck say quack?
Because it can’t say moo.
It’s pretty easy to choose your favorite type of bird
Flamingos have a leg up on all the rest.
Have you ever wondered which part of the flamingo has the most feathers? I found out once – turns out it’s the outside.
What did the squirrel say to its baby before it had to leave?
I'm gonna go out on a limb here.