How do you write a book about Bats? With a ghostwriter.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
What has 80 teeth and 2 eyes ?
A crocodile.
What do you call an elephant that’s never clean?
A smelly-phant.
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat.
How long has this been going on?
Since I was a kid.
What game do fawns like playing at sleepovers?
Truth-or-deer.
What do you call a cat that has a hundred legs? A cat-erpillar.
Did you get to hear his new collection of wolf puns? They are howl-arious, absolutely rib cracking.
Why was the cow always exercising? To build up its moo-scles
3 animals enter a bar. A lion, a tiger and a bear.
Oh my!
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with an elephant?
An animal that remembers where it hid its nuts.
Why isn't the the koala a real bear? He doesn't have the right koalifications.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes.
What do you call a mouse with no balls? Optical. What is a mouse's favorite record? 'Please cheese me'!
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
A bunch of crows ganged up and killed a chicken.
It was a murder most fowl.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
What do you call two kangaroos who live together?
Roo-mates.
What do you call an alligator that will only eat sacrificed lambs?
A hallaligator.
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw!
What do you call it when a Crocodile becomes an Elvis Impersonator?
Crocabilly
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
I just saw a huge killer fish singing and playing guitar in the city center.
I think it must be a busking shark.
What’s a llama’s favorite song?
Llama Chameleon.
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
Can birds sell cereal to children?
I don't know if one can, but toucan.
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gator.
What do whales like to chew?
Blubber gum.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
What kind of fish do you catch with Gummy Worms?
Swedish Fish.
What is a cat’s favorite type of water? Purr-ified!
Whats the preferred car of frogs?
The Beetle.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
How do you catch a unique bunny? Unique up on it.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
A mouse organ!
My brother was trampled to death by a flock of sheep.
May he rest in fleece.
I went drinking with a bunch of kangaroos last night and they didn't buy me one drink all evening..
Talk about short arms long pockets...
Who wears red and brings catnip to sleeping kittens? Santa Claws!
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table?
She was hogging all the food!
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a Spider? A Hare net!
What did the snail say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.