Why was the penguin so annoying?
Because he was always fishing for complements.
When does a sloth go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
How do you catch a squirrel who's interested in ornithology?
Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch.
Why do dinosaurs eat raw meat? Because they don't know how to cook.
On which day do tiger eat people?
Chewsday
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
Did you hear about the law firm with the most intimidating lawyers?
It’s filled with liti-gators.
Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
I just learned how to speak parrot.
I just learned how to speak parrot.
Crows hold grudges. They're also fond of eating the dead. Now...
they've been found to copulate with corpses.
NeCROWphilia.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
How do you hold a bat?
By the wings.
I am an introvert, but you know how to bring me out of my shell.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
A mouse organ!
What did the deer say after she did her friend a favor?
“You doe me!”
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
Why didn’t the koala bear get the job? He was underkoalafied. How did he fix this? By going back to koalage.
What did the squirrel say when his tail got caught in the door?
...It won’t be long now!
What did the father squirrel tell his son?
Acorny joke.
How did the headless chicken cross the road?
In a KFC bucket.
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
What kind of cats love to go bowling? Alley cats!
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
Q. What did the mother doe name her new twin babies?
A. Bam B and Bam A.
What do you call a greedy ant?
An anteater.
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
Why are worms so easy to get along with?
Because they are always down to Earth.
What kind of turkey grows on a tree? Poultry.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
What do you get when two giraffes run into each other?
A giraffic jam.
Q. Why did the gorilla go to the barber?
A. He was concerned about his ape-pearance.
Which condiment is a mouse’s favourite?
Mouse-tard.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite drink?
A juice pouch.
Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
What did the deer’s mother say to her daughter on her birthday?
“I remember the day you were fawn!”
What’s the sequel to that?
Fuller mouse!
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
Where do most horses work for their first job?
Re-tail stores.