Why should you never do math with a tiger?
If you add 4+4 you're gonna get ate.
What’s a buck’s least favorite sandwich bread?
Sour doe.
Did You Hear About The Duck With A Drug Problem?
He was a quackhead.
My grandfather had the heart of a tiger
And a lifetime ban at the zoo
A flamingo only ever asks for a plaster when it hurts its pinky.
A spider, a snake, and a kangaroo walk into a bar…
It’s a normal day in Australia.
The chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances.
The police suspect fowl play.
Old gorillas never die, but they do go bananas.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail and it will be de-lighted.
Riding a camel really isn't as hard as they say it is.
Once you get over the first hump, the rest is easy.
I have the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
No one really enjoys crying wolf. However, the boy did cry just to get a howling experience.
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
Where did the deer go to fix its tail?
The re-tail shop.
What did the worm say to his friend when he got stuck in pumpkin?
Worm your way out of that one!
How do you measure a mosquito’s harddrive?
With bug bytes.
What’s a shark favorite substance?
Reefer.
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
What did the bunny say to its crush? Hey there hop stuff.
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a ball?
A home run.
Why did the mouse stay inside?
Because it was raining cats and dogs.
My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.
Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"
He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."
What happened when the tiger ate the comedian?
He felt funny!
What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?
A bird that talks in morse code!
How can you hear the sounds of a group of dolphins?
Listen to their podcast.
What do you call a bee that comes back from the dead?
Zombee
What country has the most birds?
Turkey.
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
What do you call a camel that looks the same from both directions?
A palindromedary!
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
Q. Where do Midwest does prefer to give birth?
A. Deerborn, Michigan.
My flamingo friends are always making me pay for dinner. I find that they can be real cheepskates.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because the cows have horns.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
What do you call a cold dog sitting on a rabbit? A chili dog on a bun!
What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”
Flamingos are known by a different name when they dress up to go out – they call themselves glamingos.
What do you call a T-Rex that gets into a fight with the Indominus Rex? Dino-sore.
Why did the lion cross the road? Because he saw a zebra-crossing...
What did the bat say to the diabetic? Nice knawing you!
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
Do You Know How Crabs Get Around On Land?
They Use The Sidewalk!