Did you hear the joke about the lumberjack, The sheep and the goat?
I wood tell ewe, but it’s a baaaaaad joke
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
They set a new lap record.
Q. How do you start a letter written to Sears Roebuck?
A. Deer Sirs..
What do you call a gorilla with a million dollars?
A gorillanaire
What do you call it when a giraffe swallows a toy jet?
A plane in the neck.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!
I asked a pink bird who its favourite artist was. It looked at me strangely and replied “Flamingo Starr, of course.”
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What is the popular computer game that crows play? Caw of Duty!
Q. What does a doe say When something very unexpected happens?
A. Oh, Deer God!
Old gorillas never die, but they do go bananas.
The collective noun for kangaroos is a "troop". What is the collective noun for cars?
A Lot
Why don’t dolphins have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
What do frogs drink?
Croak-a-cola.
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?
A bird that talks in morse code!
What do you call an American Bee?
A USB.
How did the sheep farmer become best in his field?
Shear luck.
Whats the preferred car of frogs?
The Beetle.
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
Why was there a troop of gorillas protesting outside the biscuit factory?
They wanted to stop the production of animal crackers.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t eat, drink, or even walk?
A computer mouse.
On Halloween night a group of crows decided to enact a scene from the play Julius Ceaser, they were enacting the caw-nspiracy scene.
Why don’t koalas like fast food? Because it’s too hard for them to catch.
There is nothing impaws-sible if you’re as brave as a tiger!
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
What do you call a goat on a mountain?
Hillbilly.
What does a cow put on his French toast?
Moooolasses.
Where does a baby monkey sleep?
In an apricot.
I ordered chicken fingers tossed in Buffalo sauce the other day
I asked the chef to be gentle while tossing them though. Because they’re tenders.
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
Where is a frog's favorite place to eat?
At IHOP.
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
What do you call an irate kangaroo?
A k-angry-oo.
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom.
Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.
Tearfully, I asked him why. He just looked at me and said, "They're GREAT!"
What do you get if cross a science fiction film with a toad?
Star Warts.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
Why can’t a rooster ever get rich?
Because he works for chicken feed.
A guy walks into a crow bar
It's a murder scene
Picking your favorite snack can be like picking the slowest turtle in the pack.
Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?
It ended in a tie.
Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go on in pairs.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.