What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
Why don't alligators like fast food?
Because it is difficult to catch.
Goat milk?
Did you hear about the two silkworms that were in a race? They wound up in a tie.
Why are cats bad at telling stories? Because they only have one tail!
What’s something a kangaroo has that no other animal has?
Baby kangaroos.
A spider saw a car he liked at the dealership and decided to take it out for a spin.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
What is the name of the final exam you take when studying bird law? The crow bar.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
What our parents tortoise was to be kind to each other.
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
Why are Siberian tigers so happy at Christmas time? Because it is snowy, and they get to look like white tigers.
What’s the great white shark’s favorite candy?
Jaw-Breakers.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
What do you call an animal you keep in your car?
A Carpet
What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
What did the banana do when he saw the monkey?
The banana split.
Why did the shark spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny.
What is a dog’s favorite movie about dinosaurs?
Jurassic Bark.
Did you hear about the generous and kind deer? She had a hart of gold!
How do ponies react when the opposing team comes on the field?
They horse-boo.
What happens when two snails get into a fight? They slug it out!
In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? Turkey.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes.
What do you call a cold penguin?
A Brrr-d.
The reason the cow wore a bell around her neck was because her horn didn’t work anymore.
A famous turtle is called a shell-ebrity.
What do crows take for their gut issues? crow-biotics.
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
Q. Which book makes virgin gorillas blush?
A. The Naked Ape.
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,
I had to put my foot down.
What is a cat’s favorite deal? Buy one, get one furry.
Why are parrots so good at imitations? They love parrot-y! (parody)
What do you call a bee you can't understand? A mumble bee.
How do penguins make a decision?
Flipper coin.
Did you hear about the woman who complained about her rabbit stew? She said there was a hare in her soup.
How do sick kangaroos get better?
They have a hoperation.
I told my wife that I saw a sheep pondering its place in the world.
She asked me, “Can ewe even imagine?”
Why did the giraffe graduate early?
He was head and shoulders above the rest of the class.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.