What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on? Anything you want. He can't hear you.
My brother was trampled to death by a flock of sheep.
May he rest in fleece.
What sport does a cat play? Hairball!
Why are frogs so good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
What did the bear say when he got a joke? He just bear-ly had a chuckle!
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot
Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the Woodpecker would peck 'er.
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
Alligators can live up to 100 years…
Which is why there’s a chance that they will see you later.
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it's neck and neck.
What game do little bats like to play?
Batty fight.
What did the Mountain lion say to the bathroom attendant?
Out of the way, I’m about to Puma pants!
What did the mommy dolphin do when her son was an hour late for dinner?
She flipped out!
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
What do Penguins like to eat?
Brrrrrrrritos.
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
Why don't turkeys like math?
Because when they added three to five...
They got Ate.
---
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
Enough drumstics for a month.
What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
Their engagement is yet to be made offishell.
What do you call an elephant with rotors?
A Nellie-copter.
Some see a puddle of mosquito larva.
I see a pool of enbitenment.
What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?
A Kick-Ass
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye? Doyouthinkhesawus
A weeping camel is known as a humpback wail.
Who is a crow’s favorite actor? Russell Crow!
Why was the penguin so annoying?
Because he was always fishing for complements.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea-weed.
I thought of premeditated murder and a flash mob of crows came to my mind.
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
My favorite music is by Spandau Croc-quet.
What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
A croaker spaniel.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
I'm giving away my legless parrot, no perches necessary!
Why don’t giraffes do drugs?
Because they’re naturally high.
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
What did the mom say to her kitten when she caught him slouching? Paw attention to your paw-sture!
What’s striped and bouncy?
A tiger on a pogo stick!
What’s black and white, has eight wheels and travels very fast?
A panda on roller skates.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
What do you call a pig with a rash? Ham and eczema.