What did the goat say when he woke up on a train?
I have no idea how I goat here.
In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? Turkey.
What did the deer say to her daughter?
“Soon you’ll be all doe-n up!”
What happened when the bat swallowed the alarm-clock?
She turned into a ding-bat.
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat?
A dirty kid!
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
What do you call an insect that can’t drink milk?
Lactose intoler-ant.
What did the goat farmer’s wife say to her husband when he was swearing on the job?
“Not in front of the kids!”
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies!
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
What do sloths throw in winter? Slowballs.
What do you get if you cross a pig with a dinosaur ? Jurassic Pork!
I had a tattoo of a Scorpion on my back last night and to tell the truth...
It stings like hell.
What did the mom say to her kitten when she caught him slouching? Paw attention to your paw-sture!
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
What did the koala write in his Valentine’s Day card to his girlfriend? “I love you-calyptus”.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
A worm child comes home. It sees mom and asks: "Mom, have you seen dad?"
Mom says: "Dad went fishing with the guys."
Flamingos do annoy each other sometimes. Apparently this is because they enjoy ruffling feathers.
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off his tail, he'll be de-lighted.
What does a deer do when it gets to its friend’s house?
Rings the deer bell.
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden.
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
What’s small, furry and slightly purple? A koala holding its breath!
Which dinosaur can't stay out of the rain? A Stegosaur-rust
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
What do rabbits say before they eat? Lettuce pray.
What did the queen bee say to the naughty bee? Beehive yourself.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which? Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs.
The crow decided to dress up as Corvid-19 virus for the Halloween costume party.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
Why do pandas like old movies?
Because they’re in black and white.
What do sloths make when it snows? Slow Angels.
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python? A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death.
Wolves love shopping and they can literally die for. However, none of them loves the flea market for obvious reasons!
Did you hear about the two silkworms that were in a race? They wound up in a tie.
Why are two parrots better than one? One parrot can't carry a coconut, but toucan!
What did the river ask the beaver? "Water you doing today?"
Two fruit flies are out for dinner.
I'm really enjoy this date...”
“Yeah, but it’s only half rotten.”
What’s the great white shark’s favorite candy?
Jaw-Breakers.
I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents.
One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.