Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
What happened when the bear applied at the movie theater?
He was told he was not koala-fied.
What does a panda use to cook his pancakes?
A pan duhhhh!
Why should you never do math with a tiger?
If you add 4+4 you're gonna get ate.
What’s an alligator’s favorite dip?
Croc-amole.
Why did the thieves kidnap the monkey?
Because they believed in gibbon take.
What Disney movie can a deer watch over and over again?
Fawn-tasia.
Why was the cat kicked out of the game? They thought she was a cheetah.
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
What do you name a synthetic parrot?
PollyEster
What should someone do if they are stuck between a jaguar and a tiger? Simple, just take the Jaguar and drive away from the tiger.
What did the crow decide to dress up as on Halloween? As a scarecrow.
What is a crocodiles favourite dessert?
Brandy snaps.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs? From an eggplant.
India is a very peaceful country.
Because nobody has any beef over there.
Whichever gator stole all the food, we'll catch the crook-a-dile.
Why did the Gorilla fail its exam? He didn't have the ape-titude.
How do you give a deer a compliment?
“Fawn over him!”
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elka Seltzer.
What do you call a flying monkey?
A hot air baboon.
What do chickens study in school?
Eggonomics.
I do wonder why my flamingo friends always do so well in tests and exams. After all, they always just wing it.
Why was the crow upset about his job? The HR fired the crow with no caws.
What do you need to know to teach a dinosaur tricks? More than the dinosaur.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
Does Mr. Otterton listen to Gazelle? Yes he's a rabid fan.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs bunny
Why was the cow always exercising? To build up its moo-scles
Q. What happens when a gorilla has a melt down?
A. He goes absolutely bananas!
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
What do you call old horses?
Ancient roans.
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
Riding a camel really isn't as hard as they say it is.
Once you get over the first hump, the rest is easy.
What was the most famous bat comedy team?
Ab-bat and Costello.
What did the owl say to the judge?
I’m talon you, it wasn’t me.
I ate an omelette for breakfast…
but I’m still feeling peckish.
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
A zebra is the safest place to cross the road. Unless you are actually a zebra.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
Why did the otter cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
Why don’t penguins fly?
They are not tall enough to be pilots.
What did the deer say to his sulky friend?
“Buck up!”
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
What do stylish kangaroos wear?
Jumpsuits.
What’s a goat’s favorite musical?
Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dream Goat.
How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.