Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
What do you call a dinosaur with high heels? My-feet-are-saurus
I saw a sheep covered in plastic
It was lambinated.
How do you know carrots are good for your eyes? Because you never see a rabbit wearing glasses.
Deja moo:
That feeling you've heard this bull before.
Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
What did one beaver say to the other at the river? Dam it.
Which frog has horns?
A bull frog.
After graduating from high school, crows go to caw-lleges for further studies.
What do you call a light-headed elephant?
An ele-faint.
What will you get if you cross a tiger and a watchdog? A terrified watchman.
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
Most camels prefer camelmile drinks because of the nutrition in there.
What eats laptops? Computer worms.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a four-leaf clover?
The Cluck o’the Irish!
The wolf really needed to talk with the skeleton because he had a bone to pick with him.
What did the owl say to the judge?
I’m talon you, it wasn’t me.
Did you guys hear about the camel that got a gig playing a cow on Broadway?
She was a real drama dairy.
What is a deer’s favorite place to get breakfast?
Dunkin’ Doe-nuts!
What do you call a sloth that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
What do you call an ant that doesn’t sink?
Bouy-ant.
What does a tiger say to his friends before eating a meal? "Let us prey!"
Why had the beaver left the pond? He thought it was too shallow.
What do you call a greedy ant?
An anteater.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
What’s black and white, black and white, and black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table? She was hogging the food.
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
Why do zebras have stripes?
Because they don't want to be spotted.
What do you call an owl dressed in armor?
A knight owl.
My wife has been giving me a hard time about my drinking. Eventually, I agreed to quit cold turkey.
Never cared for leftovers anyway.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a Martian?
An eggs-traterrestrial.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch?
Tea, Rex?
Q. Where do lady gorillas go for a wild weekend night out?
A. Chimpendale's.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!
Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
Why do flamingos fly south in winter? Because it would be too far to walk.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs!
Where are koalas taken when they die? To an ancient bearial site.