What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
Was the koala able to complete the grueling 26-mile marathon? Bearly.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
How do frogs die?
They Kermit suicide.
What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas? Twerk-ey!
What happens to great actors? They get nominated for an a-cat-emy award!
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
Did you hear what happened to the Energizer Bunny? He got arrested for Battery.
Why do seals swim in salt water ?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
What’s a llama’s favorite drink?
Llamanade.
My uncles petshop really started doing well when he started selling parrots. They literally flew off the shelves.
Why don’t monkeys wear pocket watches?
Because they don’t wear pants.
The wolf really needed to talk with the skeleton because he had a bone to pick with him.
How do you measure the circumference of a Sheep?
Shepherds Pie
Why was the crocodile invited to glamorous parties?
Because she was a snappy dresser.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
Why do flamingos fly south in winter? Because it would be too far to walk.
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit? A poultrygeist!
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
What’s the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lie-on.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
Where did Velociraptor buy things? At a dino-store!
I can’t believe that during the attempted murder, John Crow, Russel Crow and Sheryl Crow were all in the room.
What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
A week after the werewolf swallowed the farmer’s clock, it had ticks all over.
Where do Egyptians seal away their drugs?
In a narcophagus.
My pink bird friend got dumped a while ago. He was sad for a while, but now he’s singe and ready to flamingle.
How did the horse know the others were gossiping about him?
He herd.
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
What do you get when you cross ants with ticks?
All sorts of antics.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
It's just a lot of croc 'n' roll.
What’s a shark favorite substance?
Reefer.
What is a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring!
Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
Why don't crabs give birthday presents?
Because they're just shellfish.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
Why did the worm cross the playground?
To get to the underground slide!
What’s a shark’s favorite science fiction TV show?
Shark Trek.
Wolves love shopping and they can literally die for. However, none of them loves the flea market for obvious reasons!
Why could not the young vampire bat play baseball?
He was a bat boy.
Which frog has horns?
A bull frog.
What does the queen bee of every hive tell their workers to do?
She tells them to bee productive.