What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? "Excuse Me... ahem... To be or not to be roasted, that is the question!"
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
Angry cows are usually responsible for giving the farmer sour milk.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
Where are sharks from?
Finland!
What do you get when you mix a sheep and a kangaroo
A wooly jumper
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He wanted rich milk.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers!
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder
My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.
Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"
He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."
What does a deer call her boyfriend?
Cari-boo.
What was the most famous bat comedy team?
Ab-bat and Costello.
What did the fawn say to warn her friend about the haunted house?
“Don’t go deer!”
An army of werewolves is known as a Fur-eign Legion.
What part of a flamingo has the most feathers?
The outside.
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.
What do you call a handsome seal?
Mr. Seal Yo Girl.
Some pink birds can be really rude. I approached a group of them the other day and they screamed “Flamingo away!”
Where do kittens learn to move around? On the catwalk
Why won’t crocodiles attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy!
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
What's the worst part about being a beaver?
It's a lot of dam work.
What did the deer say when she wanted to be left alone?
“Doe away!”
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
Did you hear about the kangaroo with glasses?
He had to go to the hopthalmologist.
Why don’t Alpacas like singing with background music?
They prefer to sing alpacapella.
Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?
Let me warn you, it’s a long one.
When does a sloth go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer? Mice cubes!
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
What is a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer? Comet.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
What's better than a talking dinosaur ? A spelling bee. What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try-Try-Try-ceratops.
What do you call a deer wearing an explosive vest?
Bombi.
What do you call old horses?
Ancient roans.
A sloth walks in to a bar and waves to get the bartender’s attention, and says I’ll have...... a soda water.
The bartender replies “why the long paws?”
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
Beavers are the best at getting things done on riverbanks. They have their own waves of working.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
I saw a beaver and I thought it was odd. Then I saw another semiaquatic creature and I thought it was otter.
What do dehydrated alligators drink?
Gatorade.
How do turtles communicate with each other?
With shell phones.
Q. How do you describe a stinking filthy buck?
A. Deer-ty.