Where do cows get together?
The meet market.
Just finished my first shift as a lion impersonator.
It was a roaring success.
What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
In the croakroom.
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
Kangaroos can grow up to six feet.
Most only grow two.
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet.
What symbolizes a goat’s family tree?
A goat of arms.
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
What do you call a horse running on a table?
A counter canter.
Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!
Why are rabbits so lucky? They have four rabbit’s feet.
Why don’t dolphins play basketball?
Because they’re afraid of the net!
What do you call a flying elephant?
A jumbo jet.
That raven is so stubborn at times, he just needs to crow up.
What do you call old horses?
Ancient roans.
Where did Noah keep his bees? In his archive.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper? A Bronto-snorus.
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
Why did the bunny build herself a new house? She was fed up with the hole thing!
Why did the owl invite his friends over?
He didn't want to be owl by himself.
A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
Why was there a troop of gorillas protesting outside the biscuit factory?
They wanted to stop the production of animal crackers.
Who’s a llama’s favorite U.S. president?
Barack Ollama.
What does a chocolate crow say? “Cacao!”
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What do you call Spider-Man at his full potential
Petest Parkest.
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gater.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest?
When its raining cats and dogs.
Before training its killer dolphins, Iran had to convert them to fishlam.
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
What mouse was a Roman emperor?
Julius Cheeser!
What do you get when you cross a shark with a snowman?
Frostbite.
What do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower?
I don’t know, but I will not smell it!
Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go on in pairs.
My pet turtle died.
I'm not upset - just shell-shocked.
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog because it croaks every night.
What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer? Mice cubes!
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It's been nice gnawing you.
What did the little goats say when they were caught playing a prank on the sheep?
Sorry, we were just kidding.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
Why don’t monkeys wear pocket watches?
Because they don’t wear pants.
Sheep jokes are bad.
Really baaaaaaa-d.