I tried riding a camel instead of a horse once.
It had its ups and downs.
What is the camels’ favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpty dumpty.
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
What mouse was a Roman emperor?
Julius Cheeser!
There is a rule that cats can shed hair on anything in the house… It is called fur-niture for a reason!
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers? Because he is a meat eater!
What kind of sharks make good carpenters?
Hammerheads.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python? A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death.
What do Penguins like to eat?
Brrrrrrrritos.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
A croaker spaniel.
Q. What did the doe say to the louse on her new baby fawn?
A. Gosh deer nit!
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
What does Harry Potter use when sealing packages?
His Parceltongue.
Why did the panda’s joke suck?
It was unbearable.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburned panda.
Why was the scarecrow upset with the worm?
It was going ear to ear in the corn field!
What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.
Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
How do you catch a rich squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a cashew.
What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
What did the zoologist and the herbalist name their child? Tiger Woods.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals.
I love eating glow worms
Especially as a light snack
Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.
Tearfully, I asked him why. He just looked at me and said, "They're GREAT!"
I gave my wife that new gorilla glue chapstick...🦍💄
It left her speechless
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
When someone accidentally stepped on his foot, the wolf screamed, Aoooowwwww!
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?
A loan shark
What kind of diet did the deer go on when she was trying to lose weight?
A non-deery diet.
A gorilla starts off his day by going to his car
When he gets to his car, he notices hes missing something. He walks back in his house, and asks his wife "Have you seen monkeys?"
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What kind of car does a sheep drive?
A LAMBorghini
What did the duck say when the waitress came?
Put it on my bill.
How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off his tail, he’ll be de-lighted!
Q. What do you call a gorilla who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.
Why did the shark cross the great barrier reef?
To get to the other tide.
Have you heard about the new book all about flamingos? Apparently it’s flying off the shelves.
What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Lily.
What did the deer say to her friend when she needed assistance?
“Could you doe me a favour?”