What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth.
Did you hear about the girl who put gorilla glue in her hair?
Her stupidity knew no bonds
My wife asked why I prefer gummy bears to gummy worms.
I said that gummy worms are beneath me.
How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul.
A sloth walks in to a bar and waves to get the bartender’s attention, and says I’ll have...... a soda water.
The bartender replies “why the long paws?”
Wife: would you get me those two cans from the top shelf?
Me: I don't see any toucans in here.
Someone told me that it takes 5 sheep to make a sweater.
I didn't know they could knit!
What do you call a fight between squirrels?
A squarrel
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
What do you get when you cross an owl with an oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.
What do you call a gorilla with no arms?
An ape-utee
Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? Tricera-cops.
What do you call an American Bee?
A USB.
Q: What time is it when a tiger walks into the room?
A: Time to get out of the room.
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws.
How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
A weeping camel is known as a humpback wail.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd!
What did the llama say when he was invited to the picnic?
Alpaca lunch.
What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
An M.C. Hammerhead.
What do you call a bee that lives in a mud hive?
An adobee!
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
Did you hear about the short-sighted frog?
He had to go to the Hopthalmologist.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
What do you call a blind dinosaur? adoyouthinkhesaurus.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
Why had the beaver left the pond? He thought it was too shallow.
What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
Why don’t koalas like fast food? Because it’s too hard for them to catch.
Why did the beaver stop cutting down trees?
The work gave him gnawsea
Why did the mouse eat a candle?
For some light refreshment!
If a four-legged animal a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, what’s a tiger?
Stri-ped.
On which day do tiger eat people?
Chewsday
What would a winged horse play in a band?
The pegabass guitar.
What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle neck jumper.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What did the deer say when she wanted to be left alone?
“Doe away!”
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Crocophiles.
What animal jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?
A kangaroo.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
What did the Clydesdale use to deal cards at the casino?
A horse-shoe.